I Want to Poke Martha in the Eye. And I Want Some Reimbursement.

 

Seriously.

I don't think anybody tested the recipes in Martha's Cupcake book.  And I am beyond irritated, as this is the second time I have had a disaster on my hands as a result of bad info from the people behind Martha Stewart.

Of course, I should have been tipped off at the beginning, when, in the intro to Strawberry Cupcakes with Strawberry Meringue Buttercream, it was written that the buttercream recipe appeared on page 316 (it does not -- it is on page 306) AND it says the frosting was made with jam (the recipe on page 306 called for pureed strawberries, not jam.)

So, once again, with blind faith, I am following a Martha recipe without doing research.  Isn't Martha the Doyenne of All Things Cupcakery and Such?  Ha.  Let me say... uh... that would be a no.

The cupcake cake turns out well enough.  I am no expert at baking (hence all the baking lately -- trying to self-teach, which doesn't work so well when I am dealing with the numbnut Martha Stewart editors) so I can't blame small imperfections in the cake when I am dealing with timing, bakeware, and oven issues.

But when making a frosting, and the ingredient list is only 4 or 5 lines long, and the instructions are pretty clear, well f#%k me, but this should be a no-brainer.

Uh-huh.  Making the frosting, it says to add 1 1/2 cups of fresh strawberry puree to the whipped egg whites, sugar, and butter.  So, I do.  And it immediately turns into a god-awful clotted mess.  Really.  It was like Walt Disney threw up. 

Once again, The Mayor comes to the rescue and says, just dump powdered sugar in and whip the hell out of it.  Which, TTT readers, you will recall I had to do last week with the Poo Problem.  Only problem was I had just two boxes of powdered sugar in the house, and as the strawberry clotted goo had 3 sticks of butter, I really needed another box of sugar to save it.  But, I didn't have it, so I got super soft frosting... and I don't even know what you'd call it now, as it sure ain't meringue, even though there were cooked, whipped egg whites in it.  Whatever.  I was cursing Martha yet again.

I get online to find out that her effing website now calls for 1 1/2 cups of strawberry jam.  You'd think the editors of the book would get together with the editors of the website and compare notes.  Sheesh.

These mistakes are EXPENSIVE -- when you are talking about nearly a pound of butter, etc... some people who made the same mistake end up throwing it all away. 

Well, thankfully, the people at work seemed to like even the disasters so I didn't waste the money.  But I will be damned if I follow another Martha recipe without researching reviews on it.  The editors should be shot.

But, in the end... the co-workers didn't seem to notice, as once again, I arrived in the kitchen two hours later to find all three dozen gone, along with a note:

That makes everything worth it!

Comments

[Krissy]

Dear TT,

Don't you know that Martha just has to be the best, so she intentionally sabatages the recipes to reign supreme!!! I will not be buying her cookbooks! They looked very pretty, though, and obviously they tasted great! So there, MS!

[The Town Tart]

Krissy, you are so right! Truthfully I do wonder about "celebrity" recipes, particularly Martha's -- they don't want to give away their trade secrets or secret ingredients, right? So, there's gotta be something missing.

Harumph.

Well, I learned my lesson. She does make 'em beautiful and has great ideas... and there are a lot more I want to try... but I will definitely research them first!!!

[Jessie]

TT,

Man that sucks!! I'm not much for cupcakes being a bigger cookie and cobbler fan, and I've actually had lots of success with Martha's other book on cookies. Sorry for all of your poo and strawberry troubles!

[The Town Tart]

Hi Jessie!

Someone actually just told me yesterday that she made a Martha cookie recipe and people went crazy over it like it was the best cookie ever...

I am doing cookies more and more, so I will definitely investigate her cookie recipes... but not without research! :)

[Sue in Atlanta]

Ahhhh - woman - once again you reign supreme . . . the cupcake looks beautiful

(and if there are any doubts, always put it on a busy plate for distraction - you planned that, right?)

I agree - it is so depressing when the people that are supposed to be the experts can't even be depended upon - I've had that happen too . . . it so sucks! And you can't tell that happened here - it looks great.

How did they taste?

[The Town Tart]

Hi Sue!

I've gotta say, even though the frosting was at first a disaster, after dumping in the powdered sugar, the frosting was smooth and luscious, like soft, rich, strawberry ice cream. What was key, I think, is that the egg whites and granulated sugar were cooked first -- so that made a textural difference... smooth and not grainy.

I am still getting people talking about the cupcakes days later... so I guess it was a happy accident! :)

I miss you. I hope you guys are doing well. Let me know what you are up to!